Familial Choices

I love my family. I look forward to our big, drama-infused Filipino-American parties and the smaller visits around them. Yet I confess to anticipating stress and feeling a little dread.

As with any other family, we tend to fall back into our places and roles which can be very different from the person we have become. Among many Asian families, lesbian and gay family members who are not outrightly shunned are present but they often remain in the shadows, expected not to talk about their realities and loves.

Growing up during the 1970s and 1980s, I always noticed the unmarried auntie or uncle of other clans who took care of ailing elders, children and the shared household. Needless to say, not all were necessarily gay but as a boy who had yet to understand and embrace his difference, I did get the message that queer family members stay in the margins. I understood that the price for keeping a seat at the very far end of the table is silence and the unquestioned support of those who do not bring shame and produce progeny.

No one present at our matriarch’s 90th birthday celebration over the weekend would think for a second that I have become one of those subservient uncles shuffling in the background. In the obligatory slide montage presented during the formal reception, a picture of me and my husband was flashed along with family photos of other cousins. My better half, an Episcopal priest, was wrangled by my conservative Catholic aunts into saying a blessing before the dinner. We both hammed it up on the dance floor with other grandchildren and great grandchildren.

I am very fortunate to have a family that allows me to be who I am. But I first made the choice to come out and be proud of my difference. Then it took many years for most everyone to come to terms with who I am. Although my husband has been woven into our familial fabric, there are those who still have not mentioned much less congratulated us on our recent marriage. While I do not doubt their affection for us, I know that some would readily vote against equality, thanks to their unquestioned adherence to Catholicism. I am aware that some would rather we don’t flaunt our gay “lifestyle” much as they do their heterosexual one.

The thing is, I refuse to fall into the traditional place and role relegated to queer family members. As I wrote my mom years ago, I knew that she knew I was gay but if she’d rather not talk about it, then I would respect her choice. However, she should realize that while our exchanges would be polite, they would be superficial. She would miss a major part of my life. Thankfully, she chose to take me for who I am. So have my surviving grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon.

Why I go to church

Originally posted on the Washington Blade

Among those of us who attend religious services, finding a faith community that is truly welcoming of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and all queer people is crucial.

We’ve been hurt emotionally, psychologically and, at times, physically because of the beliefs of religious leaders and their followers. Religious beliefs that breed fear, ignorance, delusion and hubris. How many of us have been separated from our families and communities — by choice or otherwise — because of man-made dogma?

Some of us decide to sever ties with the faith tradition we grew up with and become followers of another religion, such as Christians who are now Buddhists. Others stay with the same tradition but shift allegiance to a denomination that embraces LGBT people, such as Roman Catholics who become Episcopalians. A few cling to what they know with the hope that they will change the system, even though their tradition deems queer folk abominations and is not likely to abandon its discriminatory practices anytime soon.

I grew up Roman Catholic but am now an Episcopalian. The transition was easy. The worship and trappings are similar — except that the Episcopal Church truly welcomes me and “my kind.” We can actually serve as priests and be elevated as bishops, not just read the lessons or assist male priests. Women can head the entire church. The leader of the Episcopal Church is a mother and a scientist. Best of all, I don’t need to leave my brains at the door. We are encouraged to seek the divine in scripture, tradition and reason.

At the end of the day, though, the main reason I go to my church, the stone building near the National Zoo, is the sense of belonging and community that I and other members feel. It is a diverse community that includes straight, gay, bi and trans people; blacks, Latinos and Asians; birth and adopted families; and pretty much anyone who chooses to become part of the family.

This family was well represented at last weekend’s Capital Pride celebration where straight parishioners proudly marched during the parade and staffed our booth, where parents brought their children, and where twenty-somethings stood by retirees.

I can never know with certainty what God thinks, how she wants the world to be, or even if she exists. But I know firsthand of the love, joy and fellowship of a bunch of diverse and very human believers.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon

From the mouths of babes

At a gathering last night, I somehow found myself eating at the kid's table (kitchen bar actually). One of the neighbor's kids asked my friend's eight year old girl, nodding at my direction, "Who's that?"

Scout grinned and answered, "that's Erwin from church."

"I don't know him," said Alex, feigning indifference.

"Oh, he's married to Father John." Scout's face betrayed how much she relished sharing that bit of information.

Alex's eyes widened and she started giggling.

"Is there anything wrong with that?" I teased.

"No, no," Alex protested, "I have a friend who has two mommies ... but you're boys!"

"So what?" Scout jumped in. "If two girls can get married, why not two boys?"

"But they're boys!" Alex rebutted. She was about to say more when her three year old brother started screaming for chips.

Living in Northwest D.C. and knowing their parents, I was not fazed by this exchange. But I am curious why Alex thinks it is okay for two girls to marry but not for two boys. Perhaps she doesn't know a kid with two daddies? Maybe it's conditioning? Who knows!

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon.

The Global Fight for Equality

The Anglican Bishop of West Buganda, Christopher Senyonjo, is currently in the United States telling the stories of LGBT Ugandans. Bishop Senyonjo has been excommunicated by his church for the comfort and succor he provides persecuted countrywomen and men.

Earlier this week, the religious leader was at the Center for American Progress, a progressive think tank in the District, to discuss what was billed as “the Global Fight for LGBT Rights” with Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson.

Although Bishop Senyonjo spoke mainly about the plight of Ugandan gay and trans people, their experience is shared by queer folk all over the continent where 38 out of 54 countries criminalize homosexuality.

The bishop also discussed the impetus behind Uganda’s anti-LGBT legislation which prompted a global outcry – the interference of American religious conservatives, the battle for African souls by Christianity and Islam, and Africa’s fraught history and relationship with the West.

Bishop Senyonjo suggested some actions which can help alleviate the suffering of LGBT Africans. Aside from continued advocacy, he believes that education is crucial to changing minds and hearts and addressing rampant homophobia and transphobia which plague the region. The bishop spoke mainly about educating future religious leaders – young male seminarians – about queer realities and issues. This makes sense considering the immense sway religion and superstition have on the masses.

In my opinion however, in order for education to be a viable and long-lasting solution, it should not be limited to future clergy men. More importantly, education should not be couched in religious terms. While religious beliefs can provide meaning and comfort for many people, the fact remains that these same belief systems lead to division and way to often lethal acts against one’s neighbor. An educational system which improves literacy, encourages critical thought, and promotes humanistic and universal values for all Africans should be the goal.

But Africa, like the rest of the developing world, is beset with so many challenges: poverty, hunger, inequity, political instability and corruption - the combined legacy of colonialism and imperialism. Any solution, including an answer to LGBT marginalization and persecution, has to be systemic.

Bishops Senyonjo and Robinson’s conversation, while inspiring, did not address larger issues. Moreover, they did not mention the complicity of their own leader, Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury and titular head of the global Anglican Communion, in the continued witch hunt of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Africans. Williams has long chosen to side with conservative bishops and elements of the church for the sake of organizational unity. He was late and tepid in condemning Uganda’s anti-homosexuality law.

Nonetheless, Bishop Senyonjo has done much, not only for Ugandan and African LGBTs, but for the global fight for human rights and equality. And for that, we are very grateful.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon

Image from Walking with Integrity

Unity is possible

Originally posted on Washington Blade

It has always been a challenge getting us together. Our differences — whether sexual orientation, gender identity, race, ethnicity, socio-economic background, or priorities — often get in the way of working together towards our shared dream of full rights and equality.

But last Saturday, the 11th Annual Pride & Heritage Celebration showed that we can get together in spite of our differences.

The Pride & Heritage Coalition is comprised of local Asian Pacific Islander LGBT organizations. Eleven years ago, the leaders of Asian/Pacific Islander Queer Sisters, Asian/Pacific Islander Queers United for Action, KhushDC and the D.C. chapter of the National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum gathered and decided that it was in their best interests to collaborate and promote the welfare of LGBT Asians. In time, these women and men realized that beneath the surface, they shared much in common and enjoyed working and socializing with each other.

This commonality and camaraderie was in full display at the Pride & Heritage reception. Crammed into a church hall were lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people of South Asian, Central Asian, East Asian and Southeast Asian descent. Sprinkled in the crowd were straight allies, significant others and family members, as well as a few African Americans, Latinos and whites. The main performer was Kit Yan, the reigning Mr. Transman, known for his slam poetry. Honored that evening was Ben de Guzman, co-director of the National Queer API Alliance, an LGBT activist and Filipino American community leader.

What originally brought these people and groups together — and keeps their coalition strong — is their minority status. Brian Wang, a coalition leader, recounted how he was shocked to learn that Asian faces are scarce in Washington. He had moved here from California, where Asian Pacific Americans are the largest minority. Krishnan, a board member of KhushDC, explained that the South Asian group was formed to provide a safe space for queer South Asians. And Iimay Ho emphasized the importance of groups formed specifically for queer Asian women.

LGBT Asian Pacific Islander leaders also work at maintaining their bond. Earlier on Saturday, the association held its first community retreat. Community organizers and activists convened to strengthen personal relationships and strategize next steps for the coalition.

Perhaps the wider LGBT community can learn from Pride & Heritage. Unity is possible. Difficult yes, but not impossible. In spite of all our differences, as queer people we are the minority. We need each other to win the fight for our rightful place in society. Given the chance, we might even discover that we can get along after all.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon.

UAFA Update

Originally posted on Washington Blade

The Uniting American Families Act, which seeks to end inequalities in current U.S. immigration laws that leave lesbian and gay Americans unable to sponsor a partner or spouse for residency, is particularly important to bi-national families and their supporters. So when Immigration Equality held a conference call last Friday to share the latest developments on efforts to pass the bill, it drew a crowd.

But Julie Kruse, Immigration Equality’s policy director, confirmed things aren’t looking good for the bill. Due to the current political climate in which incumbents fear retaliation from their constituents, and the fact that Congress’ working days are numbered, no movement on immigration legislation is expected until after November. It’s more likely that financial regulation and climate change will be tackled in the months ahead.

Kruse said in an e-mail, though, she’s not ready to throw in the towel. She noted that recent developments such as Arizona’s anti-immigrant law have been game-changers in recent days on Capitol Hill.

She wrote that “there is a window of opportunity, albeit a short one, to tackle this issue this year. And there are champions in Congress who are pushing for that to happen. The chances of legislation passing before the mid-term elections grow slimmer the longer Congress delays action. But the important thing for our grassroots, and your readers, to know is this: It is imperative that we keep up the pressure on lawmakers until they do act. Now is the time to be outspoken and to urge lawmakers to tackle this issue.”

Another game changer has been the immigration reform framework released by Sens. Harry Reid, Charles Schumer and Robert Menendez at the end of April. It includes key provisions of the Uniting American Families Act which puts bi-national gay couples and their advocates in a good position.

“We are no longer supplicants,” Kruse said. “We are no longer asking to be included.”

Proponents of UAFA now have the psychological and strategic upper hand. Procedurally, it will be harder to amend or take out pro-LGBT language so long as our allies remain in the Senate Judiciary Committee and the Democrats have control of the Senate.

A participant during the teleconference raised a concern many of us share: the undue influence Roman Catholic bishops and other conservative leaders have on our legislators. While the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops has expressed its concerns over the inclusion of gay couples in the Reid-Schumer-Menendez framework, it has not come out swinging as it did over abortion funding in the health care bill. Bishop John Wester, head of the Bishops’ committee on migration, has been quoted as saying, “It is way too early to say what is or not a deal breaker. I do feel, however, that this provision represents an emotional and long debated issue that should not be in this bill. We have worked long and hard on immigration reform and this will make the job all the more difficult.”

Moreover, Kruse contends that if the Catholic bishops were to oppose immigration reform, they’d be hard pressed to explain to their millions of followers, many Latino and foreign-born, why they are sacrificing the well-being of these faithful over a measure of equality to far fewer same-sex couples.

Kruse notes that it’s important to remember that “there is a large, diverse coalition of religious leaders — including those from the Methodist, Episcopalian, Jewish and other communities — who continue to champion an inclusive immigration reform measure. The people of faith who support us far out-number those who oppose us. Those faith communities understand, as we hope the bishops and evangelicals will in the end, that an immigration reform bill which helps millions of families can be inclusive of LGBT families, too.”

Immigration reform legislation will happen, and as long as we keep the momentum, it will include our families. We need to be vigilant; to continue putting pressure on senators and representatives; to support groups like Immigration Equality; to work with other leaders and organizations in the immigration reform movement; and to make sure that pro-LGBT and pro-immigrant candidates win in November.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon.

Safe spaces for LGBT youth

Originally posted on Washington Blade

At the beginning of this week, the Baltimore Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center’s plans for an LGBT youth center were revealed. Scheduled to open this fall, the center will offer mentoring, health education and other services tailored for younger members of our community.

Andrew Ansel, programs manager for Baltimore’s Center, explained the need for a safe space for young LGBT: “Youth are coming out at a lot younger ages. It is becoming less stigmatizing, but there are still a lot of challenges. It is still very difficult to come out in high school.” Moreover, Ansel reports that the city’s youth centers and facilities tend to not be “gay-friendly.”

Indeed, although television shows like “Glee” and “Ugly Betty” depict gay boys who are for the most part embraced by their families and schoolmates, the reality is many young queers are not as fortunate. The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network reports that nine out of 10 LGBT middle school and high school students experience harassment at school, and three out of five feel unsafe at school because of their sexual orientation. This translates into poor academic performance. The grade point average of students who are more frequently harassed because of their sexual orientation or gender expression is almost half a grade lower than for students who are less often harassed.

LGBT youth centers provide a place for adolescents and teens to congregate after school, where they can be themselves, free from harassment and intimidation. These spaces can also be life savers for teens who have run away or been thrown out by their parents after coming out.

An Urban Institute report estimates the runaway population to be anywhere from 1.6 million to 2.8 million. As the report points out, “running away from home puts youth at risk of violence, crime, drugs, prostitution, HIV and other STDs, and other health problems. … Runaway youth are not only likely to perpetrate crimes and engage in delinquent behaviors, they are also likely to have been victimized at home and to experience additional victimization once they leave home.”

It is safe to assume that a considerable portion of these runaways are queer and homeless. As the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force’s report on runaway and homeless LGBT youth found, a stunning 20 to 40 percent of all homeless youth identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender. That means there are hundreds of thousands of vulnerable LGBT kids.

The CenterLink Community Center Directory lists 192 LGBT community centers in the U.S. and that 85 percent of these centers offer services tailored for LGBT youth. This is welcome information. But is it enough? Do LGBT youth and their advocates know where these oases are?

We need to support and open more centers that welcome and provide safe spaces for our youth. LGBT kids should know that there are places where they can take respite and, when necessary, refuge.

You can follow me on Twitter at @ErwindeLeon.